Pray for a Cure
I have a summer cold. Blah. It hit me on Tuesday and has slowly worked it's way south from my head to my lungs. I now have the lung capacity of a 90-year old smoker. You know why you don't meet many 90-year old smokers? Cause they can't breathe. And breathing is required to live. But hey, it's just a cold. In a few days I'll be good as new. And hopefully regain some lung capacity just in time for Relay for Life this weekend!
The most annoying thing about this cold is that I haven't been able to visit the friends in my cancer community. Colds and chemo are a bad combo. So I have stayed away. Even though I have friends who are having a really rough time right now. I know I can't make them feel better but it makes me feel better to at least visit and give them a big hug.
Lexie's Mom, Robyn is suffering as her baby suffers. She is wrestling, as we all have, with the idea that we put our babies through chemo for the selfish reason of keeping them around. That we would torture our precious children out of fear of losing them instead of allowing them to be whole and healthy in heaven. Believe me, I often had those thoughts when Lillian was in pain. It's unnatural to allow someone to poison your child. So why do it?
The challenge is that we don't know the outcome. You know the odds but you don't know whether your child is on the smaller, life-granting side of the odds or the larger, life-ending side. If chemo and radiation and all the other torture results in a long, healthy life, it's worth it. But if they endure all of that just to die, was it worth it? In hindsight, I wish we would have spent the last 6 months of Lillian's life playing and laughing instead of in and out of the hospital. But we had no idea what the future would hold. And frankly, it's naive to think that life would be sunshine and roses if chemo wasn't in the picture. Dying from cancer is just as painful as living with cancer.
So again, why do it? I'll tell you why. Because they have a chance at life. And until there is no chance left, you fight. Please pray for all the families fighting so hard. Click on the links under my cancer community to read their stories and comment on their sites. It is so encouraging to get notes from people, even strangers.
I hate seeing my friends in pain. I really hate seeing these kids go through all this torture. I really, really hate going to funerals. Pray for a cure. I know it's possible.
6 comments:
Man, cancer just makes you angry doesn't it. It affects WAY to many people and families...and it really does suck! Let's hope that a cure is just around the corner so we can stop all this rediculous suffering...I can't imagine as a parent watching your child go through what I know Lillian had to endure, or even to make the decision not to treat. It's just not a decision parents should have to make. It just sucks...that's all I can say about it.
As for you my dear sister...please, get some rest. You are doing so much for others, but you need to take a little time to help yourself! You don't want your cold to turn into something more - so...from your big sister...STOP...rest up...and be ready to help fight cancer on Sat!
My husband says cancer is a hateful disease. There are very few redeeming things about it.
I am sorry you are sick. Colds suck! Try and have some chicken soup if you can stand it in the heat, if you can't guzzle orange juice. I hope you feel better soon and can do the relay!
Lori,
My heart is full of pain for all of you and Robyn and me..and yet, I have hope that we will see a cure in our lifetime! You wrote the words of my heart, and reminded me to lift my prayers to the ONE that can heal and can cure.
Thank you!
Katie
PS, if you get any sicker I will fill in for you! I know you will be better but just wanted to offer my 75 year old lungs :)
Lori,
I have been reading your blog daily and have learned so much from your thoughts. I follow all the warriors on your link and think of them daily as well. I am a friend of Claire Miller and family in Sacramento and thats how I found you guys. You are an inspiration to me and many of my friends. We hope you feel much better for the RFL!
Sincerely,
Kathy Wiesenfarth
Hi Lori. I keep thinking about you guys. Becca forwarded this link after the Relay for Life (GOOD JOB!!!!) and I am so grateful for the updates. I am now in Charleston, SC and I keep thinking how beautiful life is. I miss Portland and my friends and family, but I am just so blissfully happy to start this chapter in my life. I am so sorry for all of the pain you face, (I say face, in the present because I know you are still facing it), but you are right...you fight. Despite all the pain, all the disappointments. You three were such an inspiration to me. Every time I saw you. So strong and so in love with each other. People always ask me how can you work in the PICU, how can you face those families and those sick kids? It is never an easy answer, but I've come to simply say, "it's an honor." There is nothing more rewarding and more heartbreaking. But it will all be worth it for a cure, a comfort, an easement of pain. Again, it is an honor. Thank you for your strength and courage and for being able to still talk about it. I think you are helping so many families just by talking about it. All my love, support and encouragement to everyone fighting this disease. Whatever my little hands can ever do to help ease suffering, I promise I will do....
P.S. tears are cathartic, have a good cry every now and then and get it out! love and miss you guys!---Alice
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