For my mom

My mom has requested that I post something...ANYthing...so she doesn't have to see "I Totally Suck" every time she visits my blog. And I am, as ever, a dutiful and obedient daughter. Thus, I bring you this list of randomness:

• My to-do list has just spilled onto a 3rd page - and that's only work items!
• We're nearly in the adoption pool for our 3rd baby!!!!!
• My brain has apparently reached max capacity and has begun to push out anything it deems unnecessary to store. (This may or may not be related to the first two bullets.)
• I'm loving the "Glee Cast" station I set up on Pandora. If you're not watching Glee, I pity you.
• Ian is equal parts adorable and trouble right now. (Does that make him trouborable?) One minute he's plopping in my lap with a book signing to me to "read pleeeeease" and then next minute he's trashing about on the floor in full tantrum mode for no apparent reason. Ahhhhh, toddlers.
• Can someone explain how Christmas is only 2 months away?
• I'm looking forward to being a stay-at-home mom next week while Jeff goes hunting. How many fun activities can I cram into one week? Wait and see people, wait and see.

Well, this post is totally lame but that to-do list isn't going to-do itself so I've gotta run.

I totally suck

There's no excuse for a two month gap between posts. Really, I know. All I can say is HOLY HECK have I been busy! This "real job" has kept me real busy. Like a few overnighters in the first month kind of busy. I'm trying to determine whether this is the reality of the job or just a temporary learning curve. My fear is that it is the former. Ultimately I'm desperately trying to find balance. I've learned far too much about the precious gift that is each moment to waste too much time on work. Don't get me wrong, I love the sense of purpose and the way my brain is being pushed. But I also want the sense of fulfillment that can only come from being a mom, wife, daughter, sister and friend. Somehow, someway, I will figure out this balance thing. Mark my words.

As if the work craziness weren't enough, we also managed to raise over $5000 for Relay for Life a couple of weeks ago. Take that cancer! Thanks to everyone who came to the Papa's pizza event, bought raffle tickets or sent a word of encouragement. It was not easy to pull everything together this year and I really couldn't have done it without my amazing teammates and all of your support.

So with work, Relay, my regular contributions to Evergreen Moms and general life stuff, blogging has become a luxury I can't afford. I think every blogger goes through the same curve. It starts with daily posts about any trivial little thing. Then swings into an awkward lull as material dries up (and sometimes interest as well). Next things start to hum again with thoughtfully crafted stories. But when material dries up and time gets limited, you start to question whether blogging is worth it. You don't want to just vomit words on the screen but thoughtful posts take time. Time you don't have. So maybe it's time to call it quits. This is when blogs either hit their stride or shut down completely. What will The Next Chapter bring? We'll see...

A real job

After three months of worrying and wondering and then worrying some more, we hit the wall. This week, each employee was told whether they had a job with this company or not. I was one of the lucky ones. But I was in no mood to celebrate as I watched five hundred co-workers pack their personal belongings, dash off a final farewell and stumble numbly to their cars. It is unlike anything I've ever experienced. The company handled this with it's trademark compassion and generosity. But these are friends and they have families and well, it's just been heartbreaking to watch.

The request landed in my inbox yesterday an hour and a half before the meeting to discuss my fate was to begin. If you had walked into my office during those 90 minutes, you would have thought I was ill. Pale (no change there I suppose), sweating, shaking and nauseous, I tried to distract myself from the impending reality. I thought 10 years and a good performance record would offer me some protection. But my bubble burst when co-workers with 20, 25 and 30 years of service were let go. I honestly had no idea whether I would make the cut. Lemme tell you, that was a desperately helpless feeling that turns my stomach yet again as I type this.

Once upon a time, my career defined me. It made me feel successful and important and fulfilled. And then my daughter got sick so I took 7 months off of work to care for her. Those are minutes that I wouldn't trade for anything but they were not without consequences. My career has been aimless and faltering ever since as I've bounced from project to project without the security of a permanent job. So as this meeting approached, my prayer was simple:

Lord, thank you that you are faithful to provide for my family. Whether it is with this company or another, would you lead me to a job where I can once again contribute and find fulfillment? A real job that challenges me, that's all I ask. Whatever I am about to hear, help me to respond with grace and wisdom. May your will be done. Amen.

So when I learned that my new job would take me back to where I was 8 years ago, I was surprisingly calm. A real job! A job that I was good at and can be again. A job that will allow me to contribute and find fulfillment. My prayers were answered. And as I pause to reflect, I realize that God has been preparing me for this. Lillian's illness; an aimless return to the workforce; tearful co-worker's goodbyes. All of these brought the perspective I needed to handle the news with a grateful heart. I can't wait to embark on yet another new chapter in my life. And though it's harder to see through the tears, I know God has a plan for the other families impacted by these layoffs. I will be praying for them as their new chapters unfold as well.

Award worthy site!

Our Walking with Angels website has made it to final voting on About.com for the 2009 Web Design Reader' Choice Awards in the Best Use of Images in Web Design category. Voting begins today and runs through May 22nd.

This little site was created as a way to explain why we participate in Relay for Life and route people to our fundraising page. Even if we don't win, the exposure in these awards could mean more people visiting the site and hopefully more money for the American Cancer Society! This mama's heart is full. Special thanks to the web designer, Red Lace Design for creating an award-worthy site.

What are you still doing here? Vote already!

Relay for Life Fundraisers!

It's that time of year...we're fundraising for Relay for Life! Once again, we have a name drawing with three terrific prizes and fundraising event at Papa's Pizza. All donations benefit the American Cancer Society. Without further ado, here are the details:

Papa's Pizza Event

Bring this flyer to Papa's Pizza on June 16th and Papa's will donate 50% of the value of the food you purchase! The flyer is valid all day on Tuesday, June 16th but we'll be offering door prizes every half hour from 4-8pm. (Click on the image to enlarge & print. You must bring the flyer for the donation!)

Name Drawings

• Tickets are $5 each or 5 for $20
• You can donate online using a credit card and email me with your choice of prize.
• Or give your cash/check to me in person (if you give me cash, please let me know if you would like a receipt for tax purposes).
• Drawing will be held at the Papa's Pizza event on June 16th

You choose which prize drawing you want to enter -

	FALL GETAWAY TO SUNRIVER Enjoy a 3 night stay in September or October at this cozy Sunriver home. Sleeps 6 with a private outdoor hot tub, access to Maverick's Fitness Center and Pool and walking distance to Fort Rock Park. Donated by Suzanne Peters.
	WINE AND CHEESE TASTING PARTY You and 7 guests will be treated to a guided wine and cheese tasting at Thirst Wine Bar and Bistro, Portland's premier wine bar specializing in Pacific NW Wines and Food. Donated by Thirst Wine Bar.
	16GB iPOD TOUCH It's the funnest iPod ever. (Apple's words, not mine) iPod touch puts music, movies, websites, and now games and applications in the palm of your hand. 3,500 songs, 20 hours of video Donated by Jeff and Lori Harris.

Through your donation, you will make a real difference in the lives of people facing cancer – and in the lives of the people who love them. Thank you!

Too much of a good thing

I recently discovered these chewy 100% fruit snack and have since been throwing them back like candy. Not surprisingly, I managed to consume the entire package in three days. After tossing a handful down the hatch on day 2, I started reading the fine print.

"Each serving, approximately 14 pieces, contains the same amount of fruit as eating 2 small apples."

Woohoo, look at me eating my fruit like a champ.

Then I noticed the number of servings per container...17. And my brain started doing the math.

I have consumed the equivalent of 34 small apples.

In three days.

That can't be good.

Open letter to cranky old ladies

Dear cranky old lady in the adjoining booth,

Let me be the first to acknowledge that my 15-month old is quite loud. He knows only one volume right now and that volume is admittedly deafening. Those are, however, his happy noises. See, aren't they fun? Let me assure you that his UNhappy noises are at a comparable volume yet much less pleasant to hear. And if you continue to give me the stink eye, I will personally see to it that you are treated to a private concert of his unhappy noises.

Sure, it's adorable that you and your sweetheart are sitting on the same side of the booth. But it may have been a wiser choice to opt for the side not adjacent to a rambunctious toddler. Consider that a friendly tip for your next restaurant experience.

I also find it odd that you have chosen to flash me the death glare despite the raucous din from the neighboring party of eight. Since they are discussing social security benefits loudly enough for the President himself to hear, I think it's safe to point out that they are old enough to control their volume. My 15-month old does not have the same skills at his age nor am I willing to gag him.

Let me assure you that we don't eat in restaurants very often (for my own sanity as much as for your comfort). But when we do, we select family restaurants like this one. You know the kind with high chairs and crayons and kid's menus. The kind with a general hum of noises loud enough to conceal the occasional joyous squeal from my child. The kind with understanding patrons who likely have parented children of their own. In fact, didn't I just hear you talking about your grown children? Have you forgotten the whole Toddler Restaurant Experience? Or perhaps your children were polite little angels who only spoke when spoken to.

I am sorry for disturbing your meal and humbly propose a truce. For my part, I will continue to shush him and cover his mouth as any responsible parent should do. For your part, you can just continue to make a production out of turning down your hearing aid.

Yours truly,
Lori