Tuesday, October 30, 2007

The Pool

First, the results of the last poll!!! Drum roll please...

How long will we wait before being matched with a birthfamily?

65% - 1-3 months, about the same as last time
17% - 3-6 months, you'll have time to finish all the projects at home
13% - Less than a month, stock up on diapers today!
1% - 6-12 months, average is good
0% - A year or more, plenty of time to catch up on sleep

Generally an optimistic crowd! I like the way you think.

We received the "dear birthparent" packet last week along with the official letter welcoming us to the pool. This is the same packet of letters that is given to any birthparent that contacts the agency. It is sorted in chronological order with those who have been in the pool the longest at the beginning. And lemme tell ya, I devour this packet like some sort of starving animal. This is my process. First, I flip through and look at the photos to get a feel for the competition.

(I know it's terrible that I think of it as a competition. Take comfort in the knowledge that all of these deserving parents will have a baby to love eventually. So it's really not a competition in that we all have our own finish line and prize awaiting us. Now that I've justified my poor sportsmanship, I'll get back to the point.)

Next, I dissect the pool statistically. What can I say? I'm the daughter of a math teacher. We like numbers.

  • There are 53 waiting families in the pool right now.
  • 26 are gay or lesbian couples (49%)
  • 17 are male/female couples with a child (32%)
  • 7 are male/female couples with no children (13%)
  • 3 are single (6%)

Finally I read each of their letters. And I don't mind telling you that I want to be adopted by some of these families. (No offense Mom & Dad. You were still my first choice.) They are each amazing and different and yet joined by this collective desire to be parents. Also interestingly, at least 3 of the families with a child were in the pool with us last time.

Well, that is my summation of the pool. I imagine that a birthparent goes through a similar process. Checking out the photos. Choosing the family make-up that they like best (gay, straight, single, have children, etc). Then reading the letters with awe, sadness and hope. What a sense of responsibility to know that they hold someone else's happiness in the palm of their hand (or the womb of their body in this case). I am constantly humbled by their courage and generosity.

The other interesting part of the pool is discovering that a few families have specified a specific gender. We were cautioned in our first adoption that specifying a gender dramatically reduces your odds for a match. About 1/3 of the birthparents haven't found out what they are having. And another 1/3 are having the opposite gender. So you've effectively narrowed your available choices by 2/3. We still picture ourselves with a girl because that's what we're used to. But we will be thrilled with any child (or children) that God blesses us with. What gender do you think we'll have? Mark your answer on this week's poll.


Anonymous October 30, 2007 at 6:50 PM  

Dora and Diego... DUH!! -Becci :)

Anonymous October 31, 2007 at 11:43 AM  

Yahoo!!! Glad to see you are in the packet! Can't wait to see the next installment! Abra

Anonymous October 31, 2007 at 5:56 PM  

YEAH! You sure have done your research :) I have to admit I checked out the competition when you first listed the web site, but I didn't take the time to calculate out everything. I am so excited for you guys and of course I voted for dora & diego, but there wasn't even an option for triplets :) Beth

Anonymous November 1, 2007 at 6:40 PM  

I'm just curious, and you may not want to get into this here. But, if 49% are gay, and you say all are deserving parents, does that mean that, as a Christian, you are ok with homosexual couples in general and placing children with those couples?

Again, if you don't want to touch this topic, just ignore me!

Anonymous November 2, 2007 at 3:30 PM  

OK, so I guess your poll kinda answers this question.....What happens in the event that you get picked by more than one family? Do you get to adopt multiple babies?

Lori November 2, 2007 at 3:53 PM  

Excellent question my anonymous friend. Since I am but one person, I cannot speak on behalf of the entire Christian population but personally I am not opposed to gay adoption. I have gay friends that I love dearly and who would be terrific parents. To say that gay couples shouldn't be parents because of their sinful life is to say that none of us should be parents. We all sin. I do think their kids may have a tougher road ahead. I would say the same thing about the single parents by choice. But if someone is willing and able to provide a loving, stable environment for a child, then I say let them parent!

Anonymous November 2, 2007 at 7:16 PM  

Good answer, Lori--right on!! --Mom

The Tucson Gang November 3, 2007 at 4:28 PM  

I can't wait to have a neice or nephew (or both) to spoil! Although secretly I would love to see you have at least one girl. Girl stuff is so much cuter. :-) Although, you know me...I am thrilled w/2 boys - they are a bundle of energy and excitement - I wouldn't trade either one (or try for that girl). But, since you asked...it would be fun to shop for cute little girl things! :-)

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