Tuesday, October 9, 2007

Individual Appointment

On an interview or first date, you try to put your best foot forward and in doing so, you show a tenth of the person you truly are. You reveal just the parts that you think the other person will be attracted to. But sooner or later, things "stop being polite and start getting real." (You like that MTV Real World reference?) We don't want that reality to hit with a birthfamily after a baby is born. We want to find a mutual attraction right off the bat that builds into an organic relationship. We don't want to find ourselves forcing visits to meet our contractual agreement. We want to truly enjoy each other's company. So we looked forward to each meeting with our counselor as an opportunity to reveal more of ourselves.

Last time we were anticipating these adoption meetings, it was with a great deal of apprehension and uncertainty. I think we expected that we were being judged. Like our counselor was taking some sort of uber-complete inventory of our parenting abilities that would culminate in the delivery of her verdict.

With a slight nod of her head, she proclaimed "Yes, you have been deemed to be fit parents. Here is your baby now go forth and parent well."

Fortunately that couldn't be further from the truth. Our individual meetings were as painless and invasive as all the prior meetings. Our counselor used the historical information from the last adoption and just asked us questions where she felt there might be updates. She asked us about our parenting experience and our grieving process.

In my individual meeting, we reached the end and I was silently patting myself on the back for holding it together despite these emotional questions. But just as quickly as she said "I think that's it," she changed her mind and said "oh, just one more thing." Darn it, so close! Then she dropped the bomb. "The answer to this question might be different than last time. What are you most proud of? Or what is your greatest accomplishment?" And with that, the floodgates were opened. LILLIAN!!!! I'm most proud of my beautiful, strong, brave little girl!!! Nothing else in my life compares to the joy of being her mommy. Now I can sit through entire meetings and carry on productive conversations with tears streaming down my cheeks so I'm completely used to this by now. Sympathetically, our dear counselor told me to take a minute. Oh boy, a minute is never quite long enough. So I told her that we were gonna have to power through. And with that, the individual meeting came to an unceremonious end. Oh well, that's the way this roller coaster goes!

The good news is she thinks we will be in the pool in just a couple of weeks!!! We can't believe how quickly things are moving this time around. And as I told Jeff, I have been holding back on the baby shopping but once we're in the pool, we will need to re-stock the necessities. Just diapers, formula, bottles, etc. but even those simple supplies will be such fun to buy again.

6 comments:

Anonymous October 9, 2007 at 6:44 PM  

How exciting! I can't wait to hear you are in the pool! I am sure that she would have probably been shocked if you had not become emotional. And truly Lilian was something to be proud of!! She went through in less then a year more than ANYONE should have to endure. Watching Boey it is so true that these kids seem so much older than they are because they are forced to grow up and deal with things they shouldn't have to! We are all proud of Lillian, you and Jeff for how you have dealt with the past year! Praying for this exciting new journey! Beth

The Tucson Gang October 10, 2007 at 1:37 PM  

Yippeeee...Lori - I am so excited for you and Jeff...and selfishly, excited to be an Aunt again! :-) I am so thrilled that this "paperwork" portion of the process is nearly complete...the waiting will be difficult, but I'm sure things will happen has they are supposed to...and they always say, patience is a virtue. :-)

And, you should be proud of Lillian and being Lillian's parent. She was an amazing, beautiful little girl and you both were incredible parents. She really reflected the time, love and energy you both put in to making her life, though short, really GREAT!!!

I am excited for you guys to become parents again. And, look forward to shopping for those little people things! Everything is so darn cute in those little sizes. :-)

Traci

Anonymous October 10, 2007 at 3:39 PM  

Lori,
So glad to hear that things are moving right along! I look forward to you both being in the pool and hearing the tales to come. I also enjoy hearing of the renovations...what will it be like when that is over? I bet you can't even imagine! I say at least it is moving quicker than the building they are putting up across the street from our APT here in NYC, it is still a big noisy pit. Wishing you luck as you head into the pool and prepare for your new bundle of joy! XXX Abra

Anonymous October 10, 2007 at 5:39 PM  

i can't wait til you can buy diapers!!! you are such an inspiration to me, i hope you know that!! - Becci

Anonymous October 10, 2007 at 9:29 PM  

HEY LORI, I AM GLAD THAT I FINALLY FIGURED OUT HOW TO POST HERE. I AM SO GLAD YOU ARE GETTING THROUGH THESE STEPS QUICKLY. IT WAS THE SAME FOR US WHEN WE ADOPTED MCKENNA...I THINK THE WHOLE PROCESS FROM..."DO YOU WANT ANOTHER BABY?" TO MCKENNA COMING HOME WAS LESS THAN 3 MONTHS...WE HAD NEXT TO NOTHING FOR A GIRL!!OUR STORIES ARE SO SIMILAR IT IS UNCANNY. I AM SENDING YOU ALL OUR BEST WISHES AND HEARTFELT ADMIRATION FOR YOU AND JEFF. GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS, lAURA

Jennifer October 11, 2007 at 12:09 AM  

Lori,
I am so thrilled for you and Jeff. I can't wait to meet your little one. You are both such amazing parents and I know God has chosen an equally amazing child to join your family.
Praying for you guys!
Jenn

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