I am not the Biggest Loser

The Biggest Loser competition is over on Tuesday. I will not be the winner and let me tell you why. I just did not want it bad enough. Trust me, I wanted it bad...just not bad enough.

I have lost nearly 30 lbs in the last 13 weeks. A feat which I am very proud of. The pressure of publishing my weekly weight loss was enough to keep me moving and eating right. And I was ahead for the majority of the competition. Oh it was neck and neck but I was 1st or a tight 2nd every week. I was so confident that I could win this that I had already mentally (and to a degree literally) spent the $1000 prize.

But then week 11 happened.

I lost nothing, nada, zip, zero. That in itself is not such a big deal. All of the competitors, including me, had weeks of zero loss or even the dreaded gain. But in that same week, my fiercest competitor lost 4 lbs. IN ONE WEEK! Again, those weeks were rare but not unheard of. But most often that dramatic loss would follow or precede a gain or zero week. Not in this case. While this competitor took a sizeable lead (no pun intended), I re-committed myself to my workouts and eating plan. "I can do this" was my mantra. Just get moving and you can regain the lead next week. That was my plan that is, until I discovered the lengths my competitor would go in order to win. Was I willing to burn 1000 calories every day working out? Was I willing to starve myself quite literally? I considered it. I looked deep inside my competitive heart and tried to find that piece of me that wanted the money so badly that it would convince my stomach and my muscles to sacrifice. And you know what? I couldn't find that piece of me. It just isn't in there. He just wanted it more than I did. So I gave up. Well first I got mad. But then I gave up.

Not completely mind you, that wouldn't be in keeping with the spirit of the Biggest Loser. This competition began as a way to motivate each other to lose some extra pounds and get healthy. And that is what it has done for me. I continue to work out and eat right everyday. But now it's not for the money, it's for me. I would like to lose another 20lbs and if my only motivation is a weekly weigh in that ends this week, I will never achieve that goal. So I had to find a new motivation. Come to think of it, I haven't a clue what that motivation is. I guess I haven't found a new motivation as much as I've found a new strength. I used every excuse in the book to be lazy and eat crap. That was weak. But losing 30lbs has taught me that I am strong. I can do this. What's another 20lbs when I've already lost 30? Piece of cake. Scratch that, bad metaphor. No problem! I am not hungry. I eat enough good, healthy foods to keep me very satisfied. I am not exhausted. Thank God my little guy is a good sleeper. But that too would be an excuse. I can get up at 5:45am and work out even if I'm up in the night with him. No more excuses!

I've also learned that it would take more than $1000 to motivate me to starve myself. I'm not sure what that magic dollar amount is but I do know that it isn't $1k. I could use the money, don't get me wrong. For one thing, I am gonna need a whole new wardrobe soon. But in a tug of war between my stomach and my wallet, I guess my stomach is going to win. I am proud of my weight loss so far. I am proud of my newly discovered strength. But I am also proud that I didn't want it bad enough to do something stupid. I am not the Biggest Loser...and I'm okay with that.

Edit: In a surprise upset, Laura (McKenna's mommy) is the Biggest Loser! Somehow she managed to stay under the radar for most of the competition despite her steady weekly weight loss. But through hard work, she won by a margin of 1 pound! I am so amazed at her will power and commitment. Congratulations Laura!!!