Sunday, March 30, 2008

I am not the Biggest Loser

The Biggest Loser competition is over on Tuesday. I will not be the winner and let me tell you why. I just did not want it bad enough. Trust me, I wanted it bad...just not bad enough.

I have lost nearly 30 lbs in the last 13 weeks. A feat which I am very proud of. The pressure of publishing my weekly weight loss was enough to keep me moving and eating right. And I was ahead for the majority of the competition. Oh it was neck and neck but I was 1st or a tight 2nd every week. I was so confident that I could win this that I had already mentally (and to a degree literally) spent the $1000 prize.

But then week 11 happened.

I lost nothing, nada, zip, zero. That in itself is not such a big deal. All of the competitors, including me, had weeks of zero loss or even the dreaded gain. But in that same week, my fiercest competitor lost 4 lbs. IN ONE WEEK! Again, those weeks were rare but not unheard of. But most often that dramatic loss would follow or precede a gain or zero week. Not in this case. While this competitor took a sizeable lead (no pun intended), I re-committed myself to my workouts and eating plan. "I can do this" was my mantra. Just get moving and you can regain the lead next week. That was my plan that is, until I discovered the lengths my competitor would go in order to win. Was I willing to burn 1000 calories every day working out? Was I willing to starve myself quite literally? I considered it. I looked deep inside my competitive heart and tried to find that piece of me that wanted the money so badly that it would convince my stomach and my muscles to sacrifice. And you know what? I couldn't find that piece of me. It just isn't in there. He just wanted it more than I did. So I gave up. Well first I got mad. But then I gave up.

Not completely mind you, that wouldn't be in keeping with the spirit of the Biggest Loser. This competition began as a way to motivate each other to lose some extra pounds and get healthy. And that is what it has done for me. I continue to work out and eat right everyday. But now it's not for the money, it's for me. I would like to lose another 20lbs and if my only motivation is a weekly weigh in that ends this week, I will never achieve that goal. So I had to find a new motivation. Come to think of it, I haven't a clue what that motivation is. I guess I haven't found a new motivation as much as I've found a new strength. I used every excuse in the book to be lazy and eat crap. That was weak. But losing 30lbs has taught me that I am strong. I can do this. What's another 20lbs when I've already lost 30? Piece of cake. Scratch that, bad metaphor. No problem! I am not hungry. I eat enough good, healthy foods to keep me very satisfied. I am not exhausted. Thank God my little guy is a good sleeper. But that too would be an excuse. I can get up at 5:45am and work out even if I'm up in the night with him. No more excuses!

I've also learned that it would take more than $1000 to motivate me to starve myself. I'm not sure what that magic dollar amount is but I do know that it isn't $1k. I could use the money, don't get me wrong. For one thing, I am gonna need a whole new wardrobe soon. But in a tug of war between my stomach and my wallet, I guess my stomach is going to win. I am proud of my weight loss so far. I am proud of my newly discovered strength. But I am also proud that I didn't want it bad enough to do something stupid. I am not the Biggest Loser...and I'm okay with that.

Edit: In a surprise upset, Laura (McKenna's mommy) is the Biggest Loser! Somehow she managed to stay under the radar for most of the competition despite her steady weekly weight loss. But through hard work, she won by a margin of 1 pound! I am so amazed at her will power and commitment. Congratulations Laura!!!

11 comments:

LCM March 31, 2008 at 6:44 AM  

Awesome job! I am so proud of you. I understand the want to lose the lbs so bad. I am glad you didn't do anything you were going to regret. Congratulations on your loss even if you aren't the Biggest Loser. You'll always be a big loser to me heehee!

Jennifer March 31, 2008 at 7:39 AM  

You rock, Lori! The numbers you posted each week helped motivate me to get my butt out of bed on many days. I thought about the starving thing too...I used to do it all the time, but I knew the cost was just too great. You look and feel awesome and that's all that counts.

Sarah W March 31, 2008 at 9:08 AM  

Congrats on the weight loss, Lori! That is fantastic.

The Tucson Gang March 31, 2008 at 1:48 PM  

GOOD FOR YOU SISTA!!!! 30 lbs is spectacular...holy cow! I am really, really impressed! Thank goodness you are smart enough to know that those stupid starving moments will only last short term and you are in this for the long term baby! GREAT JOB!!! You are the biggest loser in my book - the fair and honest way! Can't wait to see the "new" you!
Traci

Anonymous March 31, 2008 at 6:45 PM  

Congratulations!!! I would take a sustainable lifestyle change over $1,000 anyday. Starving yourself of food is no way to manage a diet and it leads right back to square one in the long run. Great job!! Michelle

Anonymous April 1, 2008 at 7:27 AM  

Lori, You ARE a big WINNER. Not only did you lose weight and change your life style, but you helped motivate others to do the same. Awesome. I can hardly wait to see the new you! --Mom

Beth April 1, 2008 at 5:25 PM  

You are awesome! That is great. Even though you didn't win the money you still rock. Not many people can do what you did and not only that go through the life changes of having a baby too! I would be eating like crazy just having a newborn around! Congrats!

bluelotus April 1, 2008 at 6:47 PM  

Congratulations on your slimming down! You have had quite a crazy (and busy) year. I hope you are taking time for you. You deserve it so much. I will be attending the Doernbecher Memorial on Saturday. Will you be there as well? This will be our first visit to OHSU without Kaden. I'm not sure how I feel about it yet. Know that I send warm and fuzzy thoughts your way.

Anonymous April 1, 2008 at 7:36 PM  

Lori,

As always, you inspire me! Sadly, living vicariously through you won't work this time. I'm on the "get your butt out of bed...no more excuses" plan, now!

You are AMAZING! Super mom, super career woman, super person...you're AWESOME!!!

Congratulations!

Cat

bluelotus April 2, 2008 at 9:52 PM  

Funny thing about what you said... I am not sure what I believe in (deep down), but if our kids are swirling around us, as I hope they do, don't you think a three year old would be contradicting her mama? Maybe Lillian was sending you a bit of sunshine on a week that she knew would be dark. Hope to see you Saturday!

krissykeelan April 4, 2008 at 10:58 PM  

Even thought you weren't the winner of the cash prize, you still did an amazing job and helped everyone else do the same. 30 pounds is a big deal and your motivation to lose 20 more is amazing. You're already on the right path because of the contest so the rest should be easy, just stick to it.

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