The Great White Hunter

About a year ago, Jeff shuffled down the hall to get his morning coffee when he saw a winding, berry stained trail leading from my freshly baked pie, which was cooling overnight on the kitchen counter, to a nibbled out hole in a cabinet in the playroom. This was our first evidence that we had "critters". That particular critter was likely a squirrel which, unlike other critters, are adorable in their natural habitat but, like other critters, are not quite so cute when they're invading mine. And don't forget that we were now without so much as a forkful of comforting berry pie!

So Jeff set out with a vengeance to eradicate any "critter entrances" into the house. Every hole, crack or gap was efficiently sealed with wire mesh or foam insulation. All attic and crawl space accesses were outfitted with traps. Even a pocket door was removed and sealed. Thanks to the "Great White Hunter," as I like to call Jeff, our house was once again critter-free.

Unfortunately remodeling involves creating new holes. In the walls, in the floors, everywhere! And generally those holes are granting work access and thus cannot be immediately filled. Which brings us to today's story.

Yesterday, as I was putting a can of paint back in the pile in our kitchen, I heard a loud noise in the corner. I glanced around but after seeing nothing out of the ordinary, I shrugged it off and went back to my work. I was bringing a ladder into the kitchen when I heard another noise. This time it was distinguishably a scurrying sound. Quickly I saw the source as a little brown squirrel peeked around the corner of one of our unplaced kitchen cabinets. In a flash, I turned, opened the front door and met Jeff on the porch with a hasty "there'sasquirrelinthehouse!" Clearly he didn't understand the urgency because he stopped in his tracks, paused a moment and then started chuckling.

"There's a squirrel in the house?" he drawled with an amused expression.

"YES, IN THE KITCHEN!"

He slowly set down the piece of plywood he was carrying, picked up a broom and non-chalantly sauntered into the kitchen.

"THERE, IT'S IN THE PLAYROOM!" I shouted.

He strolled down the hallway and into the playroom where I promptly closed the door behind him effectively trapping the Great White Hunter and his prey. Through the door I shouted, "open the sliding glass door and maybe he'll jump out."

"Hey, you're on the wrong side of the door," he replied.

"No, I'm definitely on the right side," I quipped.

I hear him whistling at the squirrel like he was calling a dog.

"Uh, it's not a dog you nut."

"C'mon little fella, the door's open."

"Are you talking to a squirrel?"

"Good job buddy."

"What happened? Is he gone? Jeff???"

I hear the sliding glass door close and moments later the GWH emerges victoriously.

"He jumped from the house to the fence in one leap!"

Clearly the GWH was impressed by his nemesis. I'm not quite as impressed.

"He was probably thinking, 'Hey, there were snacks last time I was here, what the heck!'," I comment.

"Yeah, he was probably looking for some more pie," Jeff responds.

Stupid pie eating squirrel, I'll show him! I put tile scraps over every hole in the kitchen. Stepping back to survey my hasty work, I wonder whether it will be enough. Considering the master bathroom is missing about 50% of it's floor right now, I'm fairly certain it's not gonna be completely effective. Ugh, how much longer until this remodel is DONE?

Ya know, I could really go for some pie right now...

No animals were harmed in the making of this story.