Friday, September 21, 2007

Angel Baby

It's been a rough few days. Work is crazy, the house is crazy so I have been...yep, you guessed it...crazy. I think the stress has made me more emotional. Or it's just one of those weeks. I don't know. But I find my thoughts drifting to Lillian more than usual. (I didn't know it was even possible since I think about her all the time!) Some of the time it's happy memories of my sweet, smiling girl. Other times it is sad memories of the pain she endured. And then the doubts creep in. Should we have done something differently? Did we not pray hard enough? Could we have protected her somehow? These daggers absolutely pierce my heart.

As these questions and memories were swirling in my head, I got an e-mail about another brave cancer fighter. When I read his story, I realized that while Lillian was fighting for her life in the PICU of one hospital, he was doing the same at another. Their symptoms were shockingly similar. Our prayer requests were identical. Ultimately on the day Lillian went to heaven, this other cancer kiddo experienced a miraculous and dramatic change for the better. Which brought yet another question to my mind: Why does God spare one child and not another?

Last night, I got the news that sweet baby Lexie went to be with Jesus. And again, questions of WHY shot into my head. This beautiful baby fought cancer every single day of her 10 months on earth. Even though the odds were stacked against her, she was winning. She was beating cancer. We all thought she would be the miracle that we all pray about. And why shouldn't she be?

Lexie was a miracle to all who knew her. It's through Lexie that I met McKenna, McKayla, Gabriel, Frederick and so many more wonderful kids and their families. She blessed us by connecting us. I didn't know how much I needed these other families. And really, how much I needed to be needed. But Lexie taught me that even through my grief, I could reach out and make a small difference to another cancer fighter. So I may not know the answers to all of the why's. But I do know that Lexie was a blessing to me. I thank God for bringing her family into my life. And I honor her beautiful gift of connecting people.

Please pray that God would comfort Lexie's parents, Robyn and Chris, as they miss their baby desperately. This picture of their sweet girl was taken just hours before she earned her heavenly wings. What a beautiful tribute to their angel.


The Tucson Gang September 21, 2007 at 3:34 PM  

What a beautiful picture to treasure goodness. My heart breaks for their family as I know hard this loss must be. Please pass along that they are in our thoughts and prayers.

katie Newsom September 21, 2007 at 3:57 PM  


You have been so strong, so fierce in your faith, you are an inspiration to all and now especially to Robyn. She has seen that you can go on, even though it is difficult, and that you can be all that God has planned for you. You are a gift, and were a gift to Lexie and her family. I know the days when I question "Why" I feel so guilty, like it's wrong, but if you keep asking and listening, God answers...each of us hear it a little different. Thank you for your words today, I felt comforted by them and by your honest reflection of how this affects you. My prayers to the little boy who fought along side Lillian, I bet she sent her energy, all that she had left so that he could stay...maybe her purpose was fullfilled...maybe his is yet to be? I miss her for you, either way.
Peace for all today.

Anonymous September 21, 2007 at 6:36 PM  

What an amazing and beautiful picture of a true angel. Sent here for all to learn more about God and His love for us. Truly sad for all of us that she is gone, but at least she is healthy and pain free playing with Lillian. Don't feel guilty for the why questions. It is very understandable that you would have them! No one can ever answer those tough questions. Know that with your love and care you did the best you could to fight the cancer with the knowledge you had. Lillian and you guys taught me more about life. living, love, parenting, and faith in her short life then most of my friends have taught me in a lifetime. God used her for great things during her short time. Now granted I would much rather have her here running around, but I do appreciate what I have learned from her through you.

Lexie's family are in my prayers during this rough time. You and Jeff are also in my prayers as you were close to them and the things this brings up.


Anonymous September 21, 2007 at 7:33 PM  

I'm so sorry about Lexie!!! And, I, too, wish I knew the answers to all of the whys. I am praying for you, as you deal with your loss, and the loss of Lexie, too... who, I know, meant a lot to you too. And I will pray for Lexie's family too. Call me if you need anything! - Becci

Jennifer September 21, 2007 at 9:02 PM  

Dear Lori,
I'm so sorry to hear about Lexie. I wish we knew God's purpose in all of this. It's so difficult to understand.
Thank you for sharing such a beautiful picture and for introducing us to Lexie's family.
Praying for you, my dear friend.

Anonymous September 21, 2007 at 10:07 PM  

What a sweet and beautiful picture of Lexie the Angel. Knowing that others are in that state of grief and utter loss is heart wrenching and has a tendency to bring my own feeling of grief right back to the surface. I am thinking of her family and hoping for peace and comfort for them. Michelle

celestemc September 21, 2007 at 11:01 PM  

Hi my friend!

It has been a weird week here as well, and reading your post was so familiar to my own thought process. For me, I had felt it building for a few days, and then I had one of those lovely meltdowns on Thursday. I thought I would have a "fresh" start for Friday - yet that's when I learned of Lexie. Stange how it comes and goes in waves, yet I am thankful that it's not a constant pit/mind boggler. Anyway, I'm surprised I have words now (I've been at a loss this week as well, really weird!) and while I do, want you to know that you've been on my mind and in my prayers. Love ya. ~C

Krissy Keelan September 22, 2007 at 9:49 AM  

I'm so sorry that all these emotions are coming out again. I have peace that you, Celeste, and Carrie can help guide Robyn through this heart-wrenching time. Although I also know that Robyn is SOO incredibly strong. I'm sure she's going to need to strong friends to stand beside her and even carry her through on some days.
Thanks for sharing your true emotions.

Anonymous September 25, 2007 at 4:52 PM  

Lexie is so calm, peaceful and beautiful in that magnificent picture......there are no words I can express re "why." My heart weeps for Lexie's beloved family. My heart also rejoices in the fact that there are so many friends, like you Lori, there for Lexie's family. Thank you. Kathy

Anonymous January 30, 2010 at 7:21 PM  
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