Open letter to cranky old ladies

Dear cranky old lady in the adjoining booth,

Let me be the first to acknowledge that my 15-month old is quite loud. He knows only one volume right now and that volume is admittedly deafening. Those are, however, his happy noises. See, aren't they fun? Let me assure you that his UNhappy noises are at a comparable volume yet much less pleasant to hear. And if you continue to give me the stink eye, I will personally see to it that you are treated to a private concert of his unhappy noises.

Sure, it's adorable that you and your sweetheart are sitting on the same side of the booth. But it may have been a wiser choice to opt for the side not adjacent to a rambunctious toddler. Consider that a friendly tip for your next restaurant experience.

I also find it odd that you have chosen to flash me the death glare despite the raucous din from the neighboring party of eight. Since they are discussing social security benefits loudly enough for the President himself to hear, I think it's safe to point out that they are old enough to control their volume. My 15-month old does not have the same skills at his age nor am I willing to gag him.

Let me assure you that we don't eat in restaurants very often (for my own sanity as much as for your comfort). But when we do, we select family restaurants like this one. You know the kind with high chairs and crayons and kid's menus. The kind with a general hum of noises loud enough to conceal the occasional joyous squeal from my child. The kind with understanding patrons who likely have parented children of their own. In fact, didn't I just hear you talking about your grown children? Have you forgotten the whole Toddler Restaurant Experience? Or perhaps your children were polite little angels who only spoke when spoken to.

I am sorry for disturbing your meal and humbly propose a truce. For my part, I will continue to shush him and cover his mouth as any responsible parent should do. For your part, you can just continue to make a production out of turning down your hearing aid.

Yours truly,
Lori