Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Another Angel Birthday

Happy birthday Lily-bean! You would have been four years old today. That seems impossible. You will forever be my little two year old. Frozen in pictures and memories. I sure wish we had taken more pictures. More videos.


Oh, who am I kidding? If we're wishing here, I wish for more time with you. Then I wouldn't need the pictures and videos to remember you. I'd have your squishy cheeks right here to smooch until they turn pink. Ian's cheeks do the same thing you know. We slather him with lotion after bath time, just as we did with you. It seems to help with the "kiss rash." Sure, we could ease up on the kisses but that wouldn't be any fun!


I'm blowing kisses up to heaven for you right now. Are your cheeks turning pink yet? Are the angels singing "Happy Birthday" to you? I'm sure there is cake. And if there isn't, don't tell me. I need to believe that there is cake in heaven.


I never found out what your favorite flavor was. Or your favorite color. I know that you loved to read books. And go for rides in the stroller. Oh, and that pacifier! You sure loved your pacifier. I was not looking forward to helping you give up that thing. But I'm so glad you had something that brought you comfort throughout all the pokeys and other yucky stuff.

Ian's getting some pokeys today. Nothing serious. He's 9 months old today so it's time for some pokeys. I know you'll be there watching over him as you always do. I wish he could have known you in person. I tell him all about you though.

I tell everyone about you. I'm putting on a fancy dress on Saturday for a party to raise money for other kids with cancer. I'll be thinking about you the whole time. And in a couple weeks, I get to share your story with another group of people. I get to tell them how brave you were. How special you were. How much I miss you.

Lillian, I'm starting to forget some of the details. The sound of your odd little laugh. The feel of your sweet hand in mine. I know you don't mind. You're happy and healthy and worry-free. But I mind. I don't want to forget a thing!

I know I'll see you again in heaven. I'll hear your odd little laugh. I'll feel your sweet hand in mine. And the details will come back to me. Until then, I will never forget how much I love you sweet pea. And that's what really matters. Happy birthday angel.

16 comments:

Jennifer October 16, 2008 at 8:51 AM  

We're thinking of you today, Lori...and your sweet Lillian. Love you!!!

Megan October 16, 2008 at 9:38 AM  

What a beautiful and touching post, Lori. I'll be thinking of all of you today.

Emily October 16, 2008 at 10:30 AM  

Your letter to Lillian is beautiful - it brought me tears. I'm thinking of you and praying for you Lori. Love, Emily

Maverick's Momma October 16, 2008 at 11:17 AM  

A wonderful post, Lori. Hugs to you.

Chrissy October 16, 2008 at 3:07 PM  

You are truly an amazing person. Your post also brought me to tears. You have such a gift of writting. I never had the privlige of meeting Lillian but I feel like I know her from reading about her.

db October 16, 2008 at 4:34 PM  

Happy birthday to your sweet angel,

Thinking of you and your family today...

The Tucson Gang October 16, 2008 at 5:18 PM  

Happy Birthday sweet Lillian! We were just talking about how all the cousins have used that Leap Frog play table...we love remembering all the things you loved to do. You are a sweetheart. We all miss you very much!

Lori we are thinking of your sweet girl today...and of course you and Jeff.

Beth October 16, 2008 at 7:20 PM  

Happy Birthday! Sure do miss you! I wear your bracelet every day and just this week I was able to share your story with a few of my clients. One parent just found out that their 15 month old has cancer, so another warrior for you to watch over up there!

Thinking of you all today! God Bless.

Anonymous October 16, 2008 at 7:32 PM  

Not a day goes by but that something triggers a memory of that sweet little girl. She'll always be close to my heart. Your post was amazing--difficult emotions to put into words, but you did an amazing and beautiful job. Love and hugs to you and Jeff today! --Mom

Heather.PNR October 16, 2008 at 8:29 PM  

A beautiful post. Happy birthday, little Lillian.

Kim S October 16, 2008 at 9:29 PM  

Beautiful post! Happy Birthday Lillian!

Becci October 16, 2008 at 9:29 PM  

lori, i'm so sorry you had to lose your little angel. cancer sucks, and i'm sorry. this was a very touching tribute to her... and everything you do in the name of curing cancer is a beautiful tribute to her too. she was so lucky to have had you for a mommy... and i know you feel equally as lucky to have had her for a daughter. i will always wish, til the day i day, that i would have been able to know her too... but someday, i will! until then, i hope my parents are looking out for her (they both LOVED kiddos!)! love you, sister.

Mindy October 16, 2008 at 9:40 PM  

Happy birthday to Lillian and love to you, Jeff and Ian always!

Anonymous October 16, 2008 at 10:16 PM  

Happy Birthday Lillian! I was just looking through my album of your photos last night and remembering your cheeks and your smile. When this post mentioned your goofy laugh, it brought it back to my ears and nothing has ever sounded so good. I miss you every single day. Love, Auntie M

sarah8_24 October 17, 2008 at 9:59 AM  

Happy Birthday, Lillian! We sure miss you too! Prayers for all of you today!

LCM October 17, 2008 at 1:53 PM  

Happy Birthday Lillian. I have to believe in a heaven with cake too, or else I will have to start eating a lot more here. What a beautiful reunion you guys will have and you can learn all of those things.

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