Disillusioned

I am all fired up about this week's "The Biggest Loser" episode. And not in a good way.

I've bored you with my weight loss tales for a year so you know that I've lost over 50lbs by eating right and exercising with fitness DVD's. I have not stepped foot into a gym at all during this time. The only special equipment I've used are hand weights and frankly, a couple cans of soup would have worked just as well. So when the contestants on "The Biggest Loser" were locked out of the gym for a week in sunny Southern California, I didn't think it was such a big deal. Go for a flipping run outside instead of on the treadmill. Fill a couple jugs with water and you've got hand weights. Try some water aerobics in that crystal blue pool. It's not that hard people.

But the contestants were practically crying. Which is fine. They can whine and cry if they want. It's hard when someone throws off your routine. If someone told me I had to workout in a gym for a week, I'd probably whine too. The commute, the germs, the girl wearing perfume and makeup on the elliptical, the communal changing rooms. Eck. But when Jillian, my hero and personal trainer, started whining too, I wanted to slap her silly.

First she complained because she's not an outdoor girl. Neither am I. So she decided to convert the living room into a gym of sorts. Perfect, I do the same thing with my kid's playroom. Move on.

Then she moans about how much she loves her equipment and toys. Mkay...

Finally she starts training her team with moves that were very familiar. Mountain climbers. Jumping rope. Plank stands. All the torture she inflicts on me through her workout videos. I'm thrilled to see other people sweating and huffing through the same moves instead of the typical uber-fit women from the videos.

And then Jillian says this: "I basically did like a horrendous host of fitness videos circa 1980's. But you know, that stuff used to work. That crap." [2:38 mark in the video]

With that, I lost my mind. I forked over my hard earned cash for 10 of those "horrendous fitness videos" that SHE created (none of which are circa 1980's). I workout with that "crap" every freaking day. I lost 50 lbs by sweating to that "stuff [that] used to work." So when a trainer who I respect(ed) starts making fun of those workouts, I tend to get a little mad.

If they are so outdated, why does she make fitness videos? If she loves her toys so much, why does she create video workouts that don't involve treadmills and weight machines? If she is such a gym rat, why does she tell me that her 30 Day Shred workout will "take the place of hours of phoning it in at the gym, if you give me 20 minutes of intensity."

Talk about hypocritical! Grrrrrrrrrr.

Love on Valentine's Day

Mkay, normally I don't weigh myself everyday. The roller coaster is just too much to bear. But after yesterday's debacle, I couldn't resist. Those extra 2lbs have magically disappeared despite splurging on soda and chips & salsa with lunch. Which just reminds me why I shouldn't weigh myself everyday. It makes no sense.

Blah, blah, blah, enough about my weight loss efforts. Let's talk about something warm and fuzzy for a change.

I don't know about you but Valentine's Day completely snuck up on me this year! As luck would have it, we made last minute plans to go to central Oregon for the long weekend. Both of my kids' birthfamilies live there so we thought it would be fun to visit them for a change. (They usually come to us.) We're looking forward to catching up with my son's extended birthfamily in addition to his birthmom. My daughter's birthmom is expecting a new baby in just a few months so it will be exciting to rejoice over their growing family.

Huh, I guess we managed to make Valentine's Day plans after all. There is nothing more appropriate than spending the day celebrating our mutual love for these beautiful kids that made us family.

How about you, any big plans for tomorrow?

What a morning.

It's only 9:15am and already this day has served me a giant crap sandwich. Being the generous person that I am, I thought I would share it with you. If I'm going down, I'm taking you all with me. Haha, just kidding. Maybe.

It all started when I reluctantly crawled out of bed and stepped on the scale. Normally I wait until after my workout to weigh myself but I recently read that the number may be higher post exercise and I wanted to test the theory.

Let me pause to mention that on "The Biggest Loser" this week, a contestant who had immunity gained 2 lbs. Convenient, right? Though she did a commendable acting job, I was convinced that she was water logged for her immunity weigh-in so that she would have better numbers next week. Not a bad plan and I wouldn't blame her a bit.

Okay, enough about her, let's talk about me some more. So I hopped on the scale and through bleary eyes, I was horrified to see the number. I gained 2 lbs?! How is that possible? I redoubled my efforts this week with daily work outs and stellar eating. SO HOW COULD I GAIN WEIGHT? Suddenly, I had a new found empathy for that Biggest Loser contestant. Perhaps she wasn't acting after all. And then my clearly rational mind decided that I must be harboring 5 lbs of...um...pee. Yes, that's the problem, I just need to go potty and work out and the number will be reasonable again.

After visiting the loo, I dragged my pitiful self back to the playroom for a workout convinced it would make the difference. But when I returned to the scale, I found basically the same stupid number. [insert numerous 4-letter words here] My initial response was an immediate craving for potato chips and donuts with a chocolate milk shake chaser. Huh, I wonder how I ended up weighing over 200 lbs? I resisted that temptation but boy, oh boy am I discouraged.

And that's the bread in this crap sandwich. Now onto the creamy middle.

The morning's scale shenanigans meant that I was running late. So I ran out to the car to find the windows were frozen over. I turned on the heater and popped the trunk to get out the ice scraper. Before I got to the ice scraper, I grabbed the paper from the driveway as I do everyday. I toss it onto the porch before I leave for work so that it's more convenient for the hubby. I know, I know, I'm wonderful. Anyhoo, I grabbed the paper, walked over to the porch and gave it a toss. The world started moving in slow motion as the paper flew into the air and ricocheted off the light fixture. My hands flew to my mouth in horror as the globe cover came crashing down. All I could do is shake my head and return inside to get a broom. Did I mention that I was running late?

The final layer in the crap sandwich came shortly after I arrived at work. I screeched into the parking lot, ran to my office, dropped my purse, grabbed my bag and dashed to my first meeting. As soon as I entered the room, my new boss stood, walked around the conference table and quietly asked me to leave. Again. It's a long story but suffice it to say that my work doesn't naturally fit with any one group so they moved me over to report to the HR organization. Needless to say, there is a lot of confidential information passed around at an HR staff meeting. Which means that I am typically asked to leave from about 90% of the meetings. Normally I just shrug and exit without a second thought. But after the earlier blows, this one hurt.

And that is just the first 3 hours of my day. Frankly, I'm a little worried about what more is to come!

I don't know about you but I'm going to have a soda and chips & salsa with my burrito for lunch. Screw it. I need something to wash down this crap sandwich.

25 Random Things

I've been tagged a million times for the "25 Random Facts" note on Facebook. Normally I ignore those things but the peer pressure is just too much. (Well, that and I've got nothing else to write about at the moment.) Unfortunately, probably due to a combination of this blog, my big mouth and a relatively boring existence, I'm having trouble coming up with 25 random facts that are still...well...interesting. Here goes:

1. In Elementary School, I was voted "Most Likely to Become the First Woman President of the United States." In High School, I was voted "Most Likely To Succeed." Apparently even at a young age, I was a natural leader a know it all.
2. Funny enough, I still have no idea what I want to be when I grow up. Is it too late to figure that out? I wish I had a job that was easy to explain and made a difference in the world. Like firefighter or nurse. But without the fire and blood.
3. I would love to write a book but have no idea what it would be about. Give me some ideas and I'll totally dedicate the book to you. No monetary compensation however. I'm cheap.
4. Speaking of cheap, I don't gamble. The risk of losing my hard earned money outweighs the hope of making more.
5. I'm not very good at thinking on my feet which means I'm much more articulate in writing than in person.
6. Because I'm not very good on my feet, I worry about how I'm going to answer those big, spontaneous questions from my kids. Like "where do babies come from?" Do you think I'll be able to spend a couple of days writing out the answer and then submit it for their consideration?
7. I love public speaking. If I know the material and have a general idea of what I want to say, I can usually muddle through any speech fairly well. Which completely contradicts #5 I know. What can I say? I'm complicated.
8. I met my hubby at age 16 and married him at 21. Let that be a warning to all of you who have teenagers. Their BF/GF may be their future spouse so be nice.
9. My hubby wanted to have kids immediately after marriage (keep in mind we were 21). I wasn't even sure I wanted kids at all.
10. I don't miss the pregnancy part of parenthood at all. Adoption has it's advantages and that's a big one in my book!
11. I hate being embarrassed. And probably embarrass too easily. To the point that I re-hash the most insignificant things in my mind for years.
12. I love to sing but after a bad choir experience in college, I've lost my nerve to sing in public. (See #11) But my hubby and kiddos get an earful. Lucky them!
13. I love to dance but only with a choreographed routine. Freestyle is not my style, yo.
14. (10 more, are you kidding me?!) I love musical theater and movies and tv with dancing. Bring back "Fame!"
15. I wish I knew how to sew. I'm not sure what I would make but it would be handy to at least be able to alter some pants or make some curtains.
16. My style is pretty much copied from things I see on mannequins or on websites. I wish I had the ability to pull together a unique style all on my own.
17. Similarly, I'm a lousy interior decorator. I try to buy accessories but never seem to find a home for them. And much of my furniture is still hand-me-downs.
18. I wish I were a better listener. I have a nasty habit of finishing people's sentences as though I know exactly what they're going to say. I annoy myself but can't seem to stop!
19. I think I talk too much. Questions rarely have a simple yes/no answer with me.
20. I can remember any personal story anyone has ever told me. And I have a great memory for numbers. I'm not sure how either of these is helpful.
21. I don't drink. (Probably goes back to #11) This has been known to cause animosity at work events where drinking is involved. People assume that I'm storing up their crazy drunken behavior for blackmail purposes or something. Maybe I am, maybe I'm not...
22. I have no perception for social nuance or hidden agendas. None. You've gotta spell it out for me people.
23. I'm not a good napper. It takes too long for me to turn off my brain.
24. I don't like massages for the same reason.
25. (FINALLY!) I've never been worried about job security. I always considered my jobs indispensable. Until now. Now I'm worried.

Random is an understatement for this list. If you made it to the end, you deserve a medal. You'll have to settle for this: it's over, you made it, well done!