Here comes trouble

I returned home from a trip last night eager to see my boys.  The weather was beautiful so we headed out to the park and then grabbed some dinner.  The Kid declared that it was "Nana and Papa Tiiiiiiimmmmmeeee" on the way home so we hopped on Readeo and let Nana and Papa e-babysit him read to him for a bit.  Finally after a bath, snuggles and more books, I tucked him in and said goodnight. 
 
Normally there is some whining as he winds down but that is about it until morning.  Note I said "normally." 
 
I had just begun thumbing through a cookbook in the kitchen when Jeff commented "what was that?"  Two seconds later The Kid runs into the kitchen signing and saying "AWAKE!" 

Oh boy.  We've clearly begun a whole new phase.

Chocolate Tall Cakes

My dad came over for a birthday dinner so I made these vegan cupcakes (don't tell him they were vegan). 

It was a winning recipe on Cupcake Wars so I figured they had to be good and they are totally adorable with their little muffin top hats.  Unfortunately I couldn't get the frosting to turn out right so I made a batch of the Fluffy Vegan Buttercream from "Vegan Cupcakes Take Over the World".  The cake was a little drier than I would have liked so I'll check them at 18 minutes next time.  But I like the combination of fresh berries, buttercream and chocolate cake.  I mean, what's not to like?  The Kid devoured his in about 2 seconds of course.  I couldn't get him to pause for a photo so we just had to take one with his fork in his mouth.

Happy birthday Dad!  And happy anniversary Jeff - I can't believe it's been 16 years already!

Mood swings

After a brief respite, the tantrums have returned.  The Kid is happy as a clam one second and whining/crying/flailing the next.  Tonight we endured a doozy.  We went to the store and he picked out birthday cards for Papa and Auntie Michelle (I'm sure the recipients will enjoy his interesting choices).  And we got in the car and headed for home without complaint.  But as soon as I mentioned that he would have a bath when we got home, he started crying and whining.  Keep in mind that he likes baths so I had no idea that this would cause such a fit.  Based on his repeated whines for "Auntie Shell" and "Papa" and "Biiiiiiiirrrrrthdaaaaay" I realized that he thought we were going to see Papa and Auntie Michelle and have a birthday party.  Darn it.  After several time outs interspersed with more whining and crying, he finally had a fun bath and is now happily getting ready for bed. 

While I don't want to under-sell my hatred of the tantrums, the harder part for me is not holding a grudge.  Once he has a change in activities, he is instantly sweet as pie.  But I'm still reeling from the drama.  I honestly don't know how he changes moods so darn quickly!  I just hope this tantrum phase ends soon because I'm getting whiplash from the mood swings.

God's infomercial

I just finished reading "A Million Miles in a Thousand Years" by local author Donald Miller.  I have read all of his books and always find his writing to be both accessible and insightful.  One passage in the book resonated with me in particular.  It talks about the idea that people often expect life to be easy once they become a Christian.  Like some sort of infomercial for the key to happiness on earth.  When in fact, Jesus promises us that life will be filled with trials (John 16:33).  Just look at the earliest Christians, the apostles, and the strife they endured.  Don puts it this way:

"Can you imagine an infomercial with Paul, testifying to the amazing product of Jesus, saying that he once had power and authority, and since he tried Jesus he's been moved from prison to prison, beaten and routinely bitten by snakes?  I don't think many people would be buying that product.  Peter couldn't do much better.  He was crucified upside down, by some reports.  Stephen was stoned outside the city gates.  John, supposedly, was boiled in oil.  It's hard to imagine how a religion steeped in so much pain and sacrifice turned into a promise for earthly euphoria." 

As life unfolds new trials before me, I find myself again wondering why.  Why would God allow bad things to happen to his beloved children?  As a parent, I would do anything to protect my kids from pain.  So why doesn't my all-powerful heavenly Father protect me from pain?  And if God promises us plans to "prosper us and not to harm us," (Jeremiah 29:11) then why are we allowed to suffer?  What happened to my key to happiness on earth? 

Don answers these why's like this:

"I think Jesus can make things better, but I don't think he is going to make things perfect.  Not here, and not now.  What I love about the true gospel of Jesus, though, is that it offers hope.  Paul has hope our souls will be made complete.  It will happen in heaven, where there will be a wedding and a feast.  I wonder if that's why so many happy stories end in weddings and feasts.  Paul says Jesus is the hope that will not disappoint.  I find that comforting."

God didn't promise heaven on earth.  So while life may totally suck from time to time, I have hope.  And despite my anger and grief and all around confusion, I know God is right here with me.  He will give me the strength to endure (Psalm 46:1). 

All this is to say, my sister has breast cancer.  She is one tough chick and I know she will kick cancer's ever loving arse.  But why the heck does she have to go through this?  God help me, I have no flipping clue.  So I just trust and hope and pray.  If you know my sis and want to follow along as she gives cancer an old fashioned arse whooping, you can find updates here.

Managing 101 - What Not to Do

I tend to shy away from talking about work as some of my co-workers lurked around here from time to time. But with my blogging lull, I'm guessing that they've all gone on their merry way. And what the heck, it's my blog!

Like many people, I've worked for a myriad of managers over my career. Most have been good-hearted which tends to erase any managerial shortcomings. But there have been a few doozies over the years.

My first manager liked to stroll in around 9am, apply her make-up for the next 15 minutes before running out to grab some breakfast. She then spent the balance of her day huddled around the proverbial water cooler complaining about how overworked she was before exiting promptly at 4:30pm. She treated me with a sort of aloof disdain leaving my budding self esteem to wilt under her harsh gaze. When a new manager took over and treated me as though I was CEO potential for doing the exact same work, the skies seemed to part. Everything suddenly made sense and I was quickly promoted. It was then that I realized what a profound impact a manager can make on their employees!

Fast forward through a dozen or so managers across 2 more companies and I have learned a great deal about what to do and sometimes more importantly, what NOT to do as a leader. Which brings me to my latest experience. This one we'll put firmly in the what not to do column. Suffice it to say that my last manager made my first manager look like Mary Poppins. In fact, "boss" is a more appropriate term for her.

My boss would give unclear direction (if any at all) and then verbally abuse us for not delivering her expectations. She would push us for critiques of our co-workers, tell the individual a grossly exaggerated version of the conversation then berate us publicly for not working well together. When things went well, she would pass off our work as her own and when things went poorly, she would step quietly aside to watch us crash and burn. This past year has been a trying one but I was intent on doing my best, helping her succeed and sheltering my team from her craziness. Overall, I believe I accomplished my goals. She was uncharacteristically complimentary in my annual review despite giving me a rather lackluster rating. It was a disappointing end to the year but thankfully my efforts have led to a new job.

Believe me when I tell you dear internet friends that had I written this post a week ago, it would have taken a much uglier turn. But a wonderful vacation and a thought provoking sermon on Ephesians 4:31-32 (31Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you) has softened my perspective. So at this point, I'm chalking this one up to just another life lesson of what not to do. And I hope it makes me a better manager as a result.

Ring Dammit

If anyone is still reading this poor, forsaken blog, I will be amazed. But desperate times call for desperate measures. Let me outline this for you dear interweb machine. We entered the adoption pool at the end of October. It is now July (or will be in a couple hours). THAT'S 8 LONG MONTHS WITH NARY A SINGLE CALL!

"But Lori," you say, "isn't the average wait around 10 months."

Excellent point.

"Haven't placements been slow in general lately?"


Yes, they have. Another good point.

"And shouldn't your focus be on the right match, not the quickest match?"

Enough already. Nobody likes a know-it-all.

I want the right match, really I do. We want a life-long relationship with a birthfamily as much as we want a baby. But may I point out however that this wait has been nearly twice as long as the wait for both Ian and Lillian COMBINED?! So forgive me if common sense has taken a back seat right now as I battle through all of the unknowns.

I'm tossing out a humble prayer request to anyone who is still reading. Will you join me in praying that the right birthfamily and the right baby would come into our family at the right time? And in the meanwhile, grant me patience as I wait. I'm thankful Relay is a week away, work is keeping me busy and Ian keeps me running and laughing all at the same time.

Relay for Life Fundraisers

Once again we're fundraising for Relay for Life! And once again, we have a name drawing with three terrific prizes and fundraising event at Papa's Pizza. All donations benefit the American Cancer Society. Without further ado, here are the details:

Papa's Pizza Event

Bring this flyer to Papa's Pizza today, June 1st and Papa's will donate 50% of the value of the food you purchase!(Click on the image to enlarge & print. You must bring the flyer for the donation!)

Name Drawings

• Tickets are $5 each or 5 for $20


• You can donate online using a credit card and email me with your choice of prize.


• Or give your cash/check to me in person (if you give me cash, please let me know if you would like a receipt for tax purposes).


• Drawing will be held at Relay on July 11th
  

You choose which prize drawing you want to enter-

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	GET PAMPERED - EDWARD WADSWORTH SALON Get pampered with this package of services from Edward Wadsworth salon. Package includes cut, color and a 60-minute massage.
	NIGHT OUT - DINNER & CHAMPAGNE Enjoy a night out with a $100 gift card to your choice of three Portland restaurants: Urban Farmer, The Origianl or Departure. Then toast a wonderful night with a bottle of Moet & Chandon White Star Champagne.

Through your donation, you will make a real difference in the lives of people facing cancer – and in the lives of the people who love them. Thank you!