The left half of me is famous!

Remember when I was going to be in a commercial? I kind of forgot all about it until today. You can find the left half of me in the far left of your screen at the 0:15 mark. My dear friend/brilliant actress/super-mom to a cancer fighting kiddo is the one speaking in that shot.

(Since the embedded video is not working, you will have to click a link.)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8vkKAK3FK2g

Not sure how this could possibly be useful but...

...my brain works in stories.

Let me give you an example. Yesterday, I was trying desperately to enjoy the elusive spring sun. While Ian was napping, I curled up in a recliner conveniently located under some well-positioned skylights and soaked up the warm rays. It was heavenly. After the kiddo woke up and had some lunch, I thought we'd take this another step further and actually go outside. After about 30 seconds of pushing the kiddo on the swings, I realized why I prefer the window-filtered version of the sun to the more direct contact. (You can't get this lily-white skin without some effort at avoiding the outdoors.) As my eyes watered and my nose began to fill, I cursed my allergies and the pollen that causes them.

On the surface, this seems like a perfectly normal albeit annoying little event. But this is what went through my head.

Lori's Twisted Brain (LTB): "Hey, Sun."

(Sun looks around, pointing to himself.)

LTB: "Yeah, I'm talking to you. Dude, what is the deal with you and your party pooping pal Pollen? Do you have to bring him everywhere you go? Seriously, he's a real downer. Next time, come stag and I'll totally hook you up. You know how the girls down here worship you."

(Sun shakes his head modestly.)

LTB: "Oh whatever. You know you're hot! So come on, help a girl out and leave Pollen at home next time."

Seriously people, that is honestly what went through my head after the first sneeze. I have proof of sorts thanks to Twitter. Fortunately the 140 character limit condensed the story to this: "if only the sun would come without bringing the party pooper known as pollen. Aaahhh...ahhhh...achoo!"

The point, and I do have one, is that this little insight about my brain has led to a couple conclusions.

1. I am often laughing alone. While that dry statistic you just uttered may not seem funny on the surface, my brain has either connected it to a whacky event or has concocted some colorful anecdote to round out your boring little fact.
2. I can remember nearly anything told to me as a story. This is especially dangerous for those prone to drink and tell around me. Fair warning.
3. Apparently this is not the way most brains work. Huh. Who knew?

You Tube videos actually worth watching

Two videos that are making me smile...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WkBepgH00GM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lp0IWv8QZY

Eternal life insurance

The second anniversary of Lillian's death came and went on April 4th. I thought about posting but I didn't have anything new to say. I thought this would get easier but I couldn't have been more wrong. I thought I was doing well but I forgot that grief is a roller coaster that can slam you face first into a brick wall without notice. Okay, I'll admit that analogy was muddled but still completely accurate. So forgive me if I'm a little melancholy.

The great thing about the cyber world (blogging, Facebook, Twitter, etc) is it's ability to make the world a smaller community. As I'm learning, that's also the difficult thing about the cyber world. The recent deaths of two children to prominent bloggers set the cyber world ablaze last week. Everywhere I turned there was sadness and anger and confusion and sympathy for these shell shocked families. And the outpouring managed to fuel the fire of sadness in my heart as well. I know all to well the difficult journey unfolding before these heartbroken parents and thus my soul aches for them. So forgive me if I'm a little withdrawn.

And then there's work. The Powers-That-Be are locked behind closed doors as they plan our fate. A few months ago, they announced the intention to layoff 3% of the work force. Needless to say, there has been an anxious vibe ever since. But now that it is obvious the layoff planning is reaching critical mass, the anxiety is palpable. So forgive me if I'm a little worried.

The cumulative effects of these events have crept into every corner of my world. During the busy moments, I move about happily taking each second as it comes. But during the quiet moments, my mind succumbs to the sadness and the worry. It's at those times that I pray. Beseeching God to give me peace. To heal my heart. To show me His plans for my future. But all I hear is the sound of my own desperate pleas.

This relationship between God and I has become lopsided. I ask and ask and ask, yet my Bible sits unopened and I haven't set foot in church for nearly a year. I haven't truly listened for answers.

Then it hit me. I'm treating God like my Eternal Life Insurance policy. By accepting Jesus as my Savior, I was issued a policy that will provide heavenly coverage for eternity, payable upon death. So I stick the policy in a drawer, glance at it every once in a while just to make sure everything is up to date and renew my coverage when I need to.

Okay, that's an exaggeration...but not by much. Today especially, I'm reminded of the willing sacrifice God made for me. And yet all I seem to focus on is the last word of that sentence...me. Shouldn't there be more to this relationship? I know God will give me strength when I am drowning in sadness. I know I will see my angel in heaven again. And if I lose my job, I know I will be okay. Because thankfully, God's love and grace are more steadfast than mine. And maybe I needed these events to remind me of that fact.